Savoring Solitude: How to Cope with the Departure of a Loved One?

Translated by AI

Little Big Women (孤味) tells the story of a woman who, amidst solitude, chooses to let go of her obsessions and navigate the complexities of family relationships. The narrative centers around a mother from the Lin family in Tainan, Lin Xiuying, who, after separating from her husband, Chen Bochang, has single-handedly raised their three daughters. Her partner had left her after falling out of love and failing in his business venture. Unable to accept this, Lin Xiuying continued to grow her culinary enterprise while Chen Bochang moved to Taipei, where he found solace in another woman's company. Two decades later, on her 60th birthday, Lin Xiuying receives the news of Chen Bochang's passing in Tainan. The film primarily focuses on the aftermath of Chen Bochang's death when family members gather, confronting unresolved issues and long-standing tensions. As the narrative unfolds, we become aware of the deep, mutual bonds and care among the family members. Despite previous discord, they ultimately rely on and cherish one another.

There's much to discuss in Little Big Women. Today, I would like to explore the relationship between Lin Xiuying and Chen Bochang. Watching the film for the first time left me in tears, fearing a similar fate might befall me. Lin Xiuying and her partner's separation mirrors many real-life emotional struggles. When one party unilaterally chooses to part ways, lingering obsessions and unresolved feelings remain an ever-present void, rendering the entire film a reflection on lost years.

At that time, I hadn't truly loved anyone, or more accurately, feared falling in love. Encountering someone unsuitable yet deeply beloved might lead me to hold on for life. I dreaded becoming like Lin Xiuying, waiting twenty years only to receive news of his death. These attachments…

Facing the departure of those we love—whether through death or separation—is an inevitable life lesson we must all confront. For those we treasure, perhaps we've long become relics of the past. We might even lock away any means of contact as time and people pass by. People say time heals all wounds, yet, on certain nights, I still hope that you suddenly reappear in my life, tell me that you're back, and we can restart anew. What we once shared was too real, too meaningful. The door never fully closes—I always hope our ending shouldn't be so dismissive. But reality only takes you away, leaving me with windswept questions.

Little Big Women elegantly interprets the theme of departure. From Lin Xiuying's perspective, it's clear: "It's not as if I never loved, nor that I never tried, but how I wished to spend my life with you. At life's end, I hoped to be the one holding your hand. Falling for someone else isn’t your fault, but what of our experiences together—what do they count for? Our lifetime, a marriage certificate meant for love—why did it ensnare only me? But isn’t that marriage—regardless, we should continue. Why did you fail to meet this promise? After letting go, we sang a song named 'Regret.' I couldn't hold your hand at your death, but I'd willingly let go for you. Regardless of blooms or withers, there remains a fragrance. Thank you for walking with me through life—that’s enough. I just hoped for more. Come visit if you think of me."

We know those we've loved are the kind we'd fall for again with just one glance. And attempting to cling to someone who doesn't love us only worsens the scene. Examining the film, Chen Bochang initially approached divorce with kind counsel, eventually choosing silence and absence. Holding onto someone desperately is never the problem (as long as it doesn’t intrude on others); it proves deep affection. The challenge lies in accepting one's grief and the other's departure. Ultimately, emotions remain uncontrollable—we may never decide whose hand we hold in death. To have shared a connection itself is fortunate.

This attachment might harbor pain, but it enriches one's appreciation for the present. May we delve into these emotions together, discovering the unique resonance within them.