Translated by AI

In this highly connected digital age, people seem programmed to crave the recognition of others. Every time we post content on social media, we subconsciously conduct a silent referendum to verify whether our choices are correct, our lives exciting, and our existence valuable. We habitually treat others' compliments, admiration, or acclaim as a scale to measure our self-worth, ultimately leading us into the trap of vanity.

But is there truly such a thing as 'correct'? Where do the senses of belonging and subconscious attempts to stand apart originate?

We often confuse two concepts: Self-Worth and External Validation. Self-worth is intrinsic; it tells you that you inherently deserve love, respect, and unconditional acceptance of yourself. External validation, on the other hand, is sought externally and acts as a temporary stimulant, requiring others' applause, wealth, status, or praise to sustain itself.

The biggest contradiction between these two is that external validation is highly addictive and unsustainable. When you rely on others' gaze to define yourself, you essentially relinquish control of your life to them. Once the applause stops and praises fade away, your sense of value collapses instantly, forcing you to continually seek higher doses of external stimuli, falling into an endless cycle of pursuit.

Example: Number of Likes on Social Media and Needs in Relationships

This mechanism manifests in many ways in modern life:

1. The Tyranny of Likes: A carefully curated photo that fails to garner the expected number of "likes" induces anxiety, depression, and even self-doubt. We begin to determine our charm based on data, rather than genuine feelings. Likes become a measure of vanity, proving the extent to which you've been "seen," rather than the depth of "who you are."

2. Excessive Need in Relationships: In intimate relationships, vanity appears as an intense need. We don't enjoy the connection of love but seek to "prove" our worth through a partner's praise, dependence, or constant affirmation. We demand our partner's responses at all times, not because we're insecure, but because our inner void needs a never-ending external power source. When the partner slightly withdraws, panic ensues, mistakenly believing it's due to our inadequacy.

Vanity acts as a magnifying glass for internal emptiness. A truly complete, self-assured person can remain calm even when praised, as such words merely complement their inherent value rather than form the basis.

However, when your inner self is a vast void, you desperately try to fill it with external light. You relentlessly pursue brand names, titles, high-caliber partners, hoping to appear "valuable" in the eyes of others. Yet no matter how much external achievement you amass, the inner void remains. The more you possess, the more inflated vanity becomes, as you continuously need greater achievements and attention to maintain that fragile self-image.

True confidence is a quiet strength that requires no explanation to anyone. It's not "I'm better than others," but "I accept all of myself." Such confidence isn't built on fleeting applause from others but on daily self-affirmation, fulfilling promises to oneself, and steadfast adherence to one's principles.

Stop begging for value externally; start digging for treasures inwardly. Only when you learn to applaud yourself and firmly recognize your existence can you truly break free from the shackles of vanity, allowing genuine self-worth to become your most solid foundation.